Those rules for success, life, love and many other areas are popular today. And much of it is ridiculous and sometimes downright condescending. It’s sometimes annoying to hear all those persistently happy people telling you that “you can do anything…” or “it’s all about attitude”. So here are my rules, that mainly apply to me, as I’ve learnt them through life. Sometimes I know them full well but fail to abide by them. This is good as I afterwards know why I should have. Actually, they’re more aforisms than rules, but I didn’t know that when I started writing this post.

If you find them useful, amusing or don’t disagree too much with them, I kindly ask you to steal them… No need for attribution or credit. I’m just a middle aged man who learnt something through life. And the list is incomplete.

1. Don’t be an asshole.
2. If you listen – you win.
3. Look over your notes, the documentation or your work one more time before completing something.
4. … or don’t. Experimentation is fun! Just make sure you can handle the catastrophies afterwards. If not, rule 3 applies over rule 4.
5. Words are either cheap – or painfully expensive. If you don’t know which is which, speak less.
6. You have to know the rules, before breaking them. – My mother.
7. You’re free – so are the consequences.
8. Respect other people – This follows from rule 1 – but no need to necessary respect their views. They don’t necessary respect yours.
9. You enemy’s enemy IS NOT by implication your friend.
10. You see, but you do not observe. That distinction is clear. – Sherlock Holmes
11. Doing bad unto evil is not good. Stopping evil is probably for the better.
12. No spine – no respect. Sorry, I don’t make the rules… Don’t be mad, please 🙁 <= You see the problem right here now don’t you? 🙂
13. Choose your fights. If you can, choose as few as possible. Fighting is just useless most of the time. You’re probably better of watching the telly.
14. Sometimes you must fight. Save your energy for those occasions.
15. If you can’t change others, listening to them is probably very valuable for you.
16. If you constantly criticise yourself – you get better – or fail! The poison is defined by the dosage.
17. If you make someone happy, you get happy. If you make them angry, you get angry.
18. Rule 17 doesn’t apply to sociopaths. For them, it’s the other way around.
19. The best microphone for recording the Accordion, Yoko Ono, Justin Beiber or Midi-Maxi-Efti is one cut off a little bit above the cable connector. (Based on Wendy Carlos audio recording guide)
20. They say you should always wear sun block. It’s all well and so, just don’t drink it, mmmmkay?
21. Vaccines are great, because it’s nice to be alive.
22. If they tell you to think freely and then tell you how to not do it WRONG, you are probably not being taught to be free in the first place.
23. Ideas are great to have. But even better to kill.
24. What is so good about starting things, if you don’t complete them?
25. What is so good about completing things, if they weren’t worth starting in the first place?
26. Learn from the experienced, then apply it to your own life in order to not do their mistakes… Or not… You know, not doing it gives you their experience. There’s always that.
27. Winners don’t quit and quitters don’t win. If you don’t win and don’t quit, you need to learn the “sunken cost fallacy”.
28. You’re often wrong…
29. … especially when you just understood something…
30. Schadefreude is fun, until it’s your misfortune they’re laughing at.
31. “Do unto others…” is a good idea unless you’re a suicidal serial killer.
32. There are those who have an additional problem for every solution you propose to the problem they told you about in the first place.
33. If it can be done, ask yourself: should it?
34. If it can’t, ask yourself: what do I learn from trying?
35. You regret everything you didn’t do before regretting what you did. But in the end you regret them both. Mostly the former.
36. Learn to lose. The last place is not the “most recent winner”.
37. There’s nothing bad about avoiding risks. It’s a good survival strategy. But you must know what you lose by not trying.
38. … And you never fully will…
39. If you believe that you will fail – so you shall – unless you’re overcome by some healthy fear of death.
40. “It’s not paranoia when they’re out to get you” – Moment 22.
41. When the world is out to get you, paranoia is just a natural defensive reflex – Skippy.
42. Why not try PRO-noia sometimes? Assume everyone is talking about you – and LOVE you to bits. – Anders Sandberg.
43. Not even god could keep paradise secure – Erik Zalitis.
44. Avoid falling to much in love with ideologies, they’re often abusive partners.
45. Radio is superior to TV.
46. If they talk shit about people when you’re in the room, guess who they will be talking about once you leave.
47. An insult followed by “… Nah, I was just joking” is a red flag accompanied by a blaring klaxon.
48. If you ask someone if you did well, ignore their answer, but look if they’re shaking their heads when they answer “Yes”.
49. The Beatles are greater than Rolling stones. That’s just how it is.
50. It sucks when people don’t learn from history and then repeat it, as you have to watch it unfold.
51. Wise words can be said by unwise people. If so, seek the source. If they’re the source, are they still unwise? Especially if you agree with them? Maybe they are, and then maybe you are as well… Just saying…
52. Intelligence and ability correlate with success…
53. … as does knowing the right people.
54. … being rich is kinda good too.
55. They invented a “left wing” and a “right wing” in the political field. That’s great, now you can fight with your friends about pointless things. You want to change the world? Try actually becoming politically active instead.
56. Every village has an idiot and every work place an eccentric weirdo. If you don’t know who it is where you live, I got some bad news for you…
57. Worried about strange people? If they’re not into harming others, they’re probably worth knowing.
58. A gun is always loaded, a mike is always on and your future wife/husband is probably reading your next tweet.
59. A fool and his money will soon part ways – but look at all the cool stuff you can buy!
60. Shrouds have no pockets, but you get to keep whatever you give to others – your reputation that is.
61. Lack of planning is also planning – the same way that a lack of sex is also a way of ensuring that humanity procreate – it just doesn’t involve you.
62. If you don’t plan ahead, every venture will be an adventure.
63. If mere criticism against a person or a group cause them to seek revenge, run! Run fast!

Yeah, I probably inadvertently stole some of those ideas. So should you!